#humor

I picked out Nathan and James standing next to each other and wiggled in between them. "Dude we got lucky, threesome." James whispered over my head to Nathan. "Puh-leez..." I muttered and rolled my eyes. Nathan shushed us both. ↗

— Bella Shadow

#humor #humor

Samuel didn't move. 'What will you do it I climb off the bed?' 'Well I can eat you, or I can drag you down to the depths of Hell, never to seen or heard from again. Depends, really.' 'On what?' 'Lost of things: hygiene, for a start. After tasting that sock, I don't fancy eating any part of you, to be honest, so it'll have to be the depths of Hell for you, I'm afraid. ↗

— John Connolly

#humor

One of my book-reading friends used the term "our story unfolds" when describing a paper he was writing. He became somewhat less of a friend right at that moment. ↗

— Tommy Greenwald

#humor

His lips look like two worms fucking. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#humor

I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him. 'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#sarcasm #humor

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. ↗

— Emperor Charles V

#humorous-quotes #languages #humor

I have a theory about pink pastry boxes. So much joy comes from those boxes. When someone walks into a room with a pink pastry box, joy immediately fills the room. World peace? Three words. Pink pastry box. I get a big cup of coffee and finalize my plans for world domination. ↗

— Liza Palmer

#humor

Oh, God, I don't know what's more difficult, life or the English language. ↗

— Jonathan Ames

#humor #humor

MEG (to Dante, the vampire):“Vampires aren’t as cool as I expected them to be. In romance novels, vampires are all dark and broody and sexy. In real life, you talk an awful lot about stocks. ↗

— Sophie Oak

#paranormal-romance #vampires #humor

Ivy did as she was told, face serious and concentrated. “I shield in the name of fashion. I accessorize for one and all. Pursuit of truth is my passion. This I vow by the great parasol. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#proper-etiquette #vows #humor