#humor

I would rather die than be a plumber, but thanks to lead I can do both. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #plumbing #funny

Rioter: a person who wants dinner, and needs a TV to eat it with. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #rioting #funny

My life is like a reality show. Whenever I cuss I bleep myself out with my air horn, and when my friends get naked I take off my glasses. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #reality-shows #funny

Now and Laters. Starbust, Pixie Stix. If she gets too bitchy, just feed her this crap. As long as the sugar high is in effect, you and the wildlife should be safe ↗

— Gayle Forman

#funny

But stay away from him, Juliana. When we said we wanted to make you a good match, Leighton was not who we imagined." Even her brother thought Simon too good for her. "Because he is a duke?" "What? No," Ralston said, truly perplexed by her instant defensive response. "Because he's an ass. ↗

— Sarah MacLean

#imagination

Real motherhood is different. It's better and it's messier and it's more complicated. It will break your heart and make you laugh harder than you ever imagined. You find yourself alternating between feeling like your friends talked you into some sort of pyramid scheme so you could share in their misery and thinking this is the most fulfilling thing you've ever done in your life. ↗

— Melanie Shankle

#motherhood #imagination

While he sat there he decided he would buy a waterbed. He had always imagined owning a waterbed when he was successful, but now it struck him that getting the bed might invoke the man he wanted to become. You bought a waterbed and so became the sort of man who owned a waterbed. ↗

— Lisa Moore

#humor #funny

The Greek myths are a bit outdated, but not as much as the distant galaxies they remind me of whenever I look up at night. The historical and the scientific – two different aspects of the overactive imagination that fit together nicely in space. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #history #humor #imagination #myths

She was a published writer. I imagined how thrilling it must be living such a life, going around the world and making up things about it. ↗

— E. L. Doctorow

#work #imagination

One of my book-reading friends used the term "our story unfolds" when describing a paper he was writing. He became somewhat less of a friend right at that moment. ↗

— Tommy Greenwald

#humor