#humor

As he fell toward the highway, a horrible scenario flashed through his mind: his body smashing against an SUV's windshield, some annoyed commuter trying to push him off with the wipers. "Stupid 16-year-old kid falling from the sky! I'm late! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

What's this about?" "Finally. Interest," was the only response. "If this is one of your tricks..." Like the time Torin had ordered hundreds of blow-up dolls and placed them throughout the fortress, all because Paris had foolishly complained about the lack of female companionship in town. The plastic "ladies" had stared our from every corner, their wide eyes and let-me-suck-you mouths taunting everyone who passed them. Things like that happened when Torin was bored. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#humor #pranks #humor

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon--perfect. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #kids #storm_front #humor

I stood my ground. "You evil scientist are all the same--evil. Count me out." Fang and I brushed past Mr. God and walked quickly but smoothly to the exit. It was barely noon, and I'd already made a huge enemy. Dang, I'm good. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #maximum-ride #maxride #humor

In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor

Why did Mother ask you to help me rescue Gelsi?" I asked Leif. "She thought I could assist you in some way. Instead, I had tried to-" "Kill me? You can join the 'I Want to Kill Yelena Guild.' I hear they have six members in good standing. Valek is president since he had wanted to kill me twice." --Yelena to Leif ↗

— Maria V. Snyder

#leif #yelena #humor

And besides . . . I don’t want to leave you. Er, you guys.” He smiled, and it lit up his whole face. “Well, ‘we’ are certainly happy to hear that. Oh, and I’m also happy to watch our darling little love child dragon while you’re in St. Louis.” I grinned back. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#awww #contentment #conversation #humor #love

She'll be back," Ranger said. "But not tonight." [Stephanie] "How'd you get her to leave?" "Told her I was gonna spend the next twelve hours ruining you for all other men, and so she might as well go home." I could feel the heat rush to my face. Ranger gave me the wolf smile. "I lied about it being tonight," he said. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#ranger #romance #humor

Rule number 2 - don't listen to me!" Arriane laughed, "I'm certifiably insane! ↗

— Lauren Kate

#fallen #humor #luce #young-adult-fiction #humor