#humor

Yeah, well, that won’t matter if your throat starts swelling and you die in my passenger seat.” That could happen with an allergic reaction. He’d seen it on the Discovery Channel. ↗

— Katee Robert

#humor

Stand your ground!" Stheno yelled. "I've got free samples! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#euryale #gorgon #heroes-of-olympus #humor #medusa

It's gas! It's gonna blow!" Ben shouts. He throws open the passenger door and takes off, running in a panic. He hurdles a split-rail fence and tears across a hay field. I get out as well, but not in quite the same hurry. Radar is outside, too, and as Ben hauls ass, Radar is laughing. "It's the beer," he says. ↗

— John Green

#humor

What's with the strange clothes?" I smile through my labored breath, pleased to be making progress. "Where I'm from, you'd be the one dressed strangely." Thank goodness, she slows a bit. "And what planet is that again?" "Er. Canada. ↗

— Cyn Balog

#humor

You know that Kate called Walter a heartless bastard?" "And an asshole. I am quite proud. ↗

— Aimee Carter

#husband-and-wife #humor

What is your collective GPA for this year?” “Not as high as I'd like it to be.” Freud steepled his fingers in front of his mouth. “What about your parents?” “I don't know. They haven't been in school for a while. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#interrogation #sarcasm #humor

Die slowly, Tom. ↗

— S.J. Kincaid

#humor

How touching. I think I'm gonna throw up. ↗

— Joss Stirling

#sarcasm-humor #humor

Rhiannon's Law #37: Don't get so high and mighty, God will only reward that arrogance with a huge bitch slap back to reality. ↗

— J.A. Saare

#humor

From the people who brought you "zero tolerance," I present the Gun-Free Zone! Yippee! Problem solved! Bam! Bam! Everybody down! Hey, how did that deranged loner get a gun into this Gun-Free Zone? ↗

— Ann Coulter

#politics #republican #humor