#humor

Where's Simon?" Clary interrupted. Isabelle wobbled. "He's a rat," she said darkly. Did he do something to you?" Alec was full of brotherly concern. "Did he touch you? If he tried anything-" No, Alec," Isabelle said irritably. "Not like that. He's a rat." She's drunk," said Jace, beginning to turn away in disgust. I'm not," Isabelle said indignantly. "Well, maybe a little, but that's not the point. The point is, Simon drank one of those blue drinks- I told him not to, but he didn't listen- and he turned into a rat. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#rat #simon-lewis #transformation #humor

Before I could figure out how to apologize for being such an idiot, she tackled me with a hug, then pulled away just as quickly. "I'm glad you're not a guinea pig." "Me, too." I hoped my face wasn't as red as it felt. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

What are you grinning at?" Katsa demanded for the third or fourth time. "Is the ceiling about to cave in on my head or something? You look like we're both on the verge of an enormous joke." "Katsa, only you would consider the collapse of the ceiling a good joke. ↗

— Kristin Cashore

#humor

Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#witty #humor

Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren't missionaries." I opened my eyes wide. "No? Well, for God's sake, don't tell them. They'd be crushed. Thinking they're doing the Lord's work and all. ↗

— James Patterson

#james #max #maximum #patterson #humor

Hey," said Shadow. "Huginn or Muninn, or whoever you are." The bird turned, head tipped, suspiciously, on one side, and it stared at him with bright eyes. "Say 'Nevermore,'" said Shadow. "Fuck you," said the raven. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor #nevermore #parody #poe #raven

Boys. I'd turn gay if they weren't so sexy. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor #humor

Brevity is the soul of lingerie. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#lingerie #wordplay #humor

Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting. ↗

— Winston Churchill

#humor

I try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face. ↗