#humor

The only reason I'm friends with any of you is because I outgrew the von Trapps, one annoying Austrian at a time. ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#eyes-like-stars #fairies #humor #humor

I don’t ask writers about their work habits. I really don’t care. Joyce Carol Oates says somewhere that when writers ask each other what time they start working and when they finish and how much time they take for lunch, they’re actually trying to find out, "Is he as crazy as I am?" I don’t need that question answered. ↗

— Philip Roth

#writing #humor

Can you squeeze me into an empty page of your diary and psychologically save me? ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

I've heard that men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

His hand snapped shut over the device and then he crossed his arms. Aria stared in horror. Her Smarteye was buried in a Neanderthal’s armpit. ↗

— Veronica Rossi

#humor #romance #sci-fi #humor

So you really cant think of anyone else who might want to kill you?"asked Jace. "Unlike in your case there arent actually all that many people who dislike me."said Simon. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

I want to make love like the most romantic thing ever, but I just don’t know how to go about learning how to fornicate like a flower. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fornicate #humor #make-love #romantic #humor

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me. ↗

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

#humor #slander #humor

I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#humor

Which meant his only assets were one whiny imprisoned goddess, one sort-of-girlfriend with a dagger, and Leo, who apparently thought he could defeat the armies of darkness with breath mints. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#jason-grace #humor