#humor

...and Lucy." She looked like she might cry. 'What about her?' "Lucy smells like food." She nearly gagged saying it. 'Sol, all that's normal. Lucy smelled good before I turned, and now she smells even better. But I haven't tried to eat her face and neither will you.' "She's not safe in this house." 'Safer than out there,' I argued, even though I agreed with her. 'Look, you used to eat hamburgers.' She blinked, confused. "So?" 'So, did you ever walk through one of the farms at a field party and suddenly try to eat a cow?' "Um, no." Her chuckle was watery but it was better than nothing. "And, ew." 'Exactly. You can crave blood and not eat your best friend. ↗

— Alyxandra Harvey

#drake-chronicals #humor #lucy-hamilton #nicholas-drake #solange-drake

It's the Snickers bars. Snickers equal romance. ↗

— Lisa Scottoline

#romance #equality

I didn't think vampires had nervous twitches." His hand went up, almost touched it. He smiled, flashing fangs. "Some things don't change ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton from Anita Blake to Willie

#vampire #wistfulness #change

A truly English protest march would see us all chanting: 'What do we want? GRADUAL CHANGE! When do we want it? IN DUE COURSE! ↗

— Kate Fox

#change

... That's why you're going directly back to the house. The last thing we need is for you to end up in jail again, and I'm quite certain disassembling another lady's hair falls under the category of assault. ↗

— Jen Turano

#change

The northern star changes its position every ten thousand years, but friendships can last for all eternity. — RJPeters ↗

— R.J. Peters

#crime #fiction #horror #humor #murder

She wasn't the only one to be physically morphed by reader expectation. Miss Havisham was now elderly whether she liked it or not, and Sherlock Holmes wore a deerstalker and smoked a ridiculously large pipe. The problem wasn't just confined to the classics. Harry Potter was seriously pissed off that he'd have to spend the rest of life looking like Daniel Radcliffe. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#humor #humor

The world needed changing - that I knew. Global warming threatened to give us all a lethal tan; war and poverty decimated whole nations; crops worldwide were shriveling; even our brethren beasts menaced us with their monkey pox and bird flu and mad cow disease. ↗

— Jeff Deck

#change

Please consult your child’s Witch doctor before using this product. Diapers may cause severe allergies, internal bleeding, and irreversible sex change. ↗

— Kenya Wright

#fire-baptized #humor #kenya-wright #sex-change #witch-doctor

I had this guy’s file pulled this morning, along with the rest of your neighbors. His name is Desperado.” Pause. A few seconds passed. He was waiting for my reaction. “Did you say Desperado?” I couldn’t stop the snort of laughter that bubbled to the surface. “Yeah,” the Director confirmed. “He changed his name when he turned eighteen. It was Melvin.” I was still laughing. “’Cause Desperado is so much better than Melvin. ↗

— Laura Kreitzer

#fantasy #fiction #humor #joseph-carter #keepers