#humor

Even a fool recognizes that there is great sadness in a bucket of tears. But only a wise man thinks to conserve water and use that bucket to wash his car. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #sadness #tear #wisdom #wise-man

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

Your stepfather? I'd like to meet him." Oh no... why? "I'm not sure that's a good idea." Christian unlocks the door, his mouth in a grim line. "Are you ashamed of me?" "No!" It's my turn to sound exasperated. "Introduce you to my dad as what? 'This is the man who deflowered me and wants to start a BDSM relationship'. You're not wearing running shoes. ↗

— E.L. James

#humor #humor

Brianna dropped the skateboard in front of Sam. "Don't worry: I won't let you fall off." "Yeah? Then why did you bring the helmet?" Brianna tossed it to him. "In case you fall off. ↗

— Michael Grant

#humor #safety #skateboarding #humor

Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #moroseness #russia #satire #sorrow

I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’. The Social Round. Always something going on. ↗

— A.A. Milne

#friends #humor #pooh #winnie-the-pooh #humor

I try to avoid having thoughts. They lead to other thoughts, and—if you’re not careful—those lead to actions. Actions make you tired. I have this on rather good authority from someone who once read it in a book. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#warbreaker #willful-ignorance #humor

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain--and most do. ↗

— Dale Carnegie

#humor #humor

Saphira waved her tail, the tip whistling loudly. "I'm not asking you to. However, if we attack first, we may gain the advantage." "Have you gone crazy? They'll..." Eragon's voice trailed off as he thought about it. "They won't be able to do a thing." "Exactly," said Saphira. "We can inflict lots of damage from a safe height." "Let's drop rocks on them! ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#eragon #humor #urgals #humor

If you can't win by reason, go for volume. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor #loudness #reason #humor