#humor

My couch is my deathbed, and I won’t let my life get repossessed. ↗

— Bauvard

#death #funny #humor #life #repossession

After Harding's death, the taciturn vice president, Calvin Coolidge, moved into the White House. In contrast to his predecessor's political cronyism and outgoing style, Coolidge personified austere rectitude. As vice president "Silent Cal" often sat through official functions without uttering a word. A dinner partner once challenged him by saying, "Mr. Coolidge, I've made a rather sizable bet with my friends that I can get you to speak three words this evening." Responded Coolidge icily, "You lose. ↗

— James A. Henretta

#death

Good thing about hanging out with a pregnant woman: designated driver by default. ↗

— Amelia C. Gormley

#design

I’m tempted to kill the general first, then his staff officers. Sometimes you just want to eat pudding early. All the same, I make myself wait. ↗

— David Gunn

#death

Eve, did you marry me for my money?" "You bet your ass. And you'd better hold on to it, or I'm history" "It's very sweet of you to say so. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#humor #roarke #death

Sit up, and no whining." "I don't whine." "Rarely," he agreed. But when you do, you make up for the lack of quantity with quality. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#death

I knew I didn't have much of a chance of getting away from that swarm of fae piranha, but it was an infinitely larger chance than I would have if I stayed in the car and burned to death. Hell's bells, what I wouldn't give to have my shield bracelet. Or my old staff. I didn't even have an umbrella. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#weapons #death

When I asked my da how ye knew which was the right woman, he told me when the time came, I'd have no doubt. And I didn't. When I woke in the dark under that tree on the road to Leoch, with you sitting on my chest, cursing me for bleeding to death, I said to myself 'Jamie Fraser, for all ye canna see what she looks like, and for all she weights as much as a good draft horse, this is the woman. ↗

— Diana Gabaldon

#love #death

He was obviously on the wrong side of crazy. ↗

— Heather Webber

#humor #humor

People have hope because they cannot see Death standing behind them. ↗

— Tite Kubo

#humor #death