#humor

A blanket could be used to stop terrorism. Unless that terrorist has a small knife, or really sharp teeth, and is able to chew through the cloth separating him from our American freedom. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies. ↗

— George Carlin

#god #humor #funny

50 bucks sounds fair to me. Especially since I’m not doing anything to earn it.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#earn #fair #fairness #funny #humor

I mumble my vows, Shad mutters his, and I wonder what would happen if I lunged for the door like a wild animal seeking its freedom. I could probably outrun his one-legged friend, but Shad has something of the greyhound about him. ↗

— Janet Mullany

#freedom

...as you know, I don't believe in fear, just an invention by men so they get all the money and good jobs... ↗

— Marian Keyes

#gender #humor #keyes #family

Dishwashers are an affront to good hygiene. Families today have no concept of the value of washing mouths out by hand. ↗

— Bauvard

#family #funny #humor #hygiene #family

Saint Bo, a man christened with the miraculous ability to gentle horses, nervous women, and one year olds. ↗

— Becky Wade

#christian-romance #cowboy #humor #undeniably-yours #family

There was some kind of commotion going on in the suite, which shouldn't have been a surprise considering it was his family's suite. The air was filled with cursing, exclamations, and grunts of physical combat. "Leo?" Beatrix appeared from the main receiving room and hurried over to them. "Beatrix, darling!" Leo was amazed by the difference the past two and a half years had made in his youngest sister. "How you've grown--" "Yes, never mind that," she said impatiently, snatching the ferret from him. "Go in there and help Mr. Rohan!" "Help him with what?" "He's trying to stop Merripen from killing Dr. Harrow." "Already?" Leo asked blankly, and rushed into the receiving room. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #family

Women were created gullible. It they weren't no babies would be born. ↗

— Dakota Dawn

#funny #humor #truth #wisdom #family

She headed for a wide flat rock on the creek's bank, her posture still demanding 'no trespassing' but no longer 'trespassers will be shot. ↗

— Kristen Heitzmann

#humor #trespassing #family