#humor

For the first time in memory, I was unable to sleep not because I was anxious but because I was excited. To live in a damp crowded asshole and sing--if these guys don't know the secret to living, I don't know who does. (The Grieving Owl, page 157) ↗

— David Sedaris

#inspirational

I broke my arm in 3 places so I wont be going back to those places. ↗

— Jim Rose

#inspirational

Tell me what you eat and I will tell you who you are. ↗

— Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

#humor #inspirational #love #science #inspirational

They who suspect a Mephistophiles, or sneering, satirical devil, under all, have not learned the secret of true humor, which sympathizes with gods themselves, in view of their grotesque, half-finished creatures. ↗

— Henry David Thoreau

#inspiration #satire #wisdom #inspirational

They sounded like intestines, only on the outside, and the men in the Bible were always having them cut off and not being able to go to church. Horrid. ↗

— Jeanette Winterson

#men #men

If you try to look up my skirt, I'll poke needles in your eyes right through your eyelids while you're asleep.' 'I'm looking for help, you give me nightmares, thank you so much.' She was on the top step now, reaching up for a bin marked DRY BEANS. Rigg looked up her skirt, mostly because she told him not to, and saw nothing at all of interest. He could never understand why Nox and other women, too, were always so sure men wanted to see whatever it is they concealed under their clothes. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#men

Mmmm I like the sounds you're making," he murmured in a honeyed whisper. "I just bet that you're a screamer. Should I have brought earplugs? Kurt Nielsen ↗

— Nikki Sex

#sex #sexy-humor #sexy-men #men

You do realize that if anything happens to you, my son will be devastated?” Ella’s throat closed. She really didn’t want to think about James, not when he was in so much danger. She nodded. “I know.” “Then make sure nothing happens to you. This Kingdom needs a Queen who can show these men we’re not all delicate little flowers. ↗

— Michelle Smart

#humor #men

Progress is heading in a forward direction and realizing what was behind is now your legacy! ↗

— KC Rhoads

#inspirational #philosophical-musings #inspirational

Each year, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that he thinks is the most sincere. He's gotta pick this one. He's got to. I don't see how a pumpkin patch can be more sincere than this one. You can look around and there's not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#inspirational