#humor

It's all very well to put the government in the hands of the perfect man, but what do you do when the perfect man gets a bellyache? ↗

— David Eddings

#politics #humor

Fingerprints are like values--you leave them all over everything you do ↗

— Elvis Presley

#inspirational #humor

If you hurt her I'll make you pay. I may be old, but that doesn't mean I can't make you suffer." "Damn right. You've got the AARP on your side. ↗

— Shannon K. Butcher

#humor

Life just wants to be; but it doesn't want to be much. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#humor

Bump stood in the middle of the room, wrapped in a heavy fur coat, with a black silk top hatcovering his fuzzy head and unnecessary sunglasses hiding his pale face. He looked like the Abominable Snowpimp. ↗

— Stacia Kane

#humor #humor

How’s Her Royal Bitchiness?” “Alive.” “Pity. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor

I thought I recognized you." Really? He remembered me looking like Swamp Thing? How flattering. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#josh-lanyon #humor

Before you go,mate,turn on the telly. Something raunchy too. Think I'll rub off one before I go to sleep ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#ian #red-dragon #vampire #humor

Meg Cabot is the best author ever ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor

Now let me be clear; millions of women around the world nurse their children beautifully for years without giving anybody else a hard time about it. Teat Nazis are a solely western upper-middle-class phenomenon occurring when highly ambitious women experience deprivation from outside modes of achievement. ↗

— Tina Fey

#beauty