#humor

I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable. ↗

— Bob Newhart

#confusion #cows #gross #how #humor

Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a romantic evening, unless you happened to be a twisted exterminator, he thought. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#fleas #funny #humor #humour #pass-the-fleas-please

I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

If the world were coming to an end tomorrow, I’d probably call in sick to work. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#end-of-the-world #funny #humor #work #funny

I think in my case, I had no choice but to have a good sense of humor. I grew up with my dad, Danny Thomas, and George Burns and Bob Hope and Milton Berle and Sid Caesar and all those guys were at our house all the time and telling jokes and making each other laugh. ↗

— Marlo Thomas

#bob #bob hope #burns #caesar #case

Oh, hell, he'd look hot in a chicken suit. ↗

— Cyn Balog

#guys #hot #humor #funny

Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off. ↗

— J.A. Saare

#funny #humor #humour #rabbit #funny

You'd be surprised how expensive it costs to look this cheap. ↗

— Steven Tyler

#clothing #funny #humor #tacky #funny

Put your memories on the shelf. Then, when your hippocampus is floating in a jar, admit you never really knew anybody. ↗