#humor

Wait till it’s my turn to tell the story! They’ll be like ‘Bear who? ↗

— T.J. Klune

#the-kid #humor

Whatare they doing?" Brodick glanced at the women. "Chasing Ramsey," he answered very matter-of-factly before returning to his task of scanning the field. "Why? "Why what?" he asked as he continued to search. She sighed. "Why are the ladies chasing him?" The question startled him, for what should have been obvious to Gillian appeared not to be obvious at all. With a shrug, he said, "It's what they all do." "All the ladies chase him?" she asked, still not understanding. He finally gave her his full attention. "Yes, they do," he said quietly. "But why?" "You don't know?" "I wouldn't ask if I knew, Brodick," she said, thoroughly perplexed. "They find him… handsome," he finally said for lack of a better word. "That's what I've been told anyway. ↗

— Julie Garwood

#humor

only to people!' shouted Rincewind. He drew his sword and, with a smooth overarm throw, completely failed to hit the troll. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#rincewind #swords #trolls #humor

Kitty, do you have the bottle?" "In my purse. Which is in my room. Not that I think I can find my room from here." "I'll get it," Martini said. He stood up and disappeared. Ten seconds later he was back, bottle in hand. "What kept you?" "That purse gets worse every time I look inside. ↗

— Gini Koch

#humor #sci-fi #humor

Vaisey said, "Is it because your parents don't understand you?" Charlie said, "No, it's because our parents understand us very well, and that is why they wanted us to go away. ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor

Who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs?" I said, "Come on then, they are down here." He said, "Tallulah, the answer to who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs is... me!!!! ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor

We'll let our friends be the peacekeepers and the great country called America will be the pacemakers. ↗

— George W. Bush

#friends #humor #pacemaker #peacemaker #humor

Never let other people bring you down let Jesus be the one who brings you down, because he knows what he is doing ↗

— Skye Daphne

#humor #insperational-story #romance #science-fiction #humor

The thought of talking about it made Pueblo's gut ache, but then he thought of everything that Amy had been through – not that she'd told him her version yet. She had balls of steel, he thought with a smile. And what did he have? Three pairs of loin cloths going crisp on the radiator. ↗

— Dianna Hardy

#bravery #hero #heroine #humor #humour

By the way, don’t you think shoving a light bulb up baby Jesus’ butt and plugging it in is just a little sacrilegious? ↗

— Dana Marie Bell

#humor