#humor

Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought...once you've hired the car... ↗

— Tim Key

#laugh #humor

So what is this feadnach? Is it another curse that makes me beholden to slaves and shrews?' 'No, my lord. It is your heart. Difficult as it may be to comprehend, there is a possibility you may have one. ↗

— Carol Berg

#humor

Have you ever tried to bribe a Korathi priest, Lukel?" Shuden asked pointedly. Lukel looked around uncomfortably. "I'd rather not answer that question, thank you. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor

We are not really spying, we're just satisfying our curiosity. ↗

— Paul Christopher

#humor

Writing is my life. Life is my hobby. ↗

— Emma Lai

#writing-life #humor

They should let my son be Federal Reserve chairman. At least he'll play with his toys and not ruin the economy. ↗

— Peter D. Schiff

#humor

The horse jumped over the fucking fence. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor

Time waits for no ovary. ↗

— Gretchen Rubin

#humor

You will have your duty in the bedchamber. Now, Emily, I warn you it will not be pleasant. It will hurt, and be rather messy. You must lie back and do as your husband tells you, and it will soon be over.” “Mama!” Emily groaned. “I don‟t really need to know—” “No, Emily, let me finish. There are ways to make it easier. I used to close my eyes and plan a party. ↗

— Amanda McCabe

#humor

You can't just fly into the Great Coat, shoot your way into Bluewater, and take Kai and his father,' I told him. 'Why not?' 'Cause you can't. They'll killl you, for one thing.' Ulysses scratched his beard. 'Hmm. Need a better plan. ↗

— Cameron Stracher

#use-ur-head #humor