#humor

Gemma talking to Charley... "Got it. Have you seen my pants?" "Speaking of which, how did you get home without them?" "I borrowed a pair of you sweats. I ran into a convenience store with them on. I talked to neighbors out in their yard when I pulled up. And only after I got inside did I realize the had 'Exit Only' written across the back." "You stole my favorite sweats?" "I wanted to die." "It's weird that sweats would make you suicidal. I'd analyze the crap out of that if I were you." "Do you actually wear those in public?" "Only when I go out in them ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

Madam Dorothea shot him a dark look. "If you were half as funny as you thought you were, my boy, you'd be twice as funny as you are. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#insults #philosophical #funny

EH.MA.GAWD. ↗

— Lisi Harrison

#humor

Then she began to mutter to herself and gesture to the empty air. oh. Sonny sighed. Just another central park crazy. ↗

— Lesley Livingston

#humor

boys do have cooties. In high school they're called STDs. ↗

— Nicole Chaloux

#cooties #humor #humor

How DARE the villainous cads be as clever as the heroes. ↗

— Mercedes Lackey

#humor

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong. ↗

— Kinky Friedman

#humorous #inspirational #life #funny

Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels. ↗

— Candace C. Bowen

#humor-quotes #humorous-quotes #quotes #sarcastic-quotes #witty-quotes

The price of meat has just gone up and your old lady has just gone down. ↗

— Frank Zappa

#humor

Strangers make restless bedfellows, especially when bedbugs are your only acquaintances. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #loneliness #promiscuity #funny