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#humor

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #humor




Do you mean ter tell me," he growled at the Dursleys, "that this boy—this boy!—knows nothin' abou'—about ANYTHING?" Harry thought this was going a bit far. He had been to school, after all, and his marks weren't bad. I know some things," he said. "I can, you know, do math and stuff. ↗


— J.K. Rowling


#humor #ignorance #math #humor

In Ireland, you go to someone's house, and she asks you if you want a cup of tea. You say no, thank you, you're really just fine. She asks if you're sure. You say of course you're sure, really, you don't need a thing. Except they pronounce it ting. You don't need a ting. Well, she says then, I was going to get myself some anyway, so it would be no trouble. Ah, you say, well, if you were going to get yourself some, I wouldn't mind a spot of tea, at that, so long as it's no trouble and I can give you a hand in the kitchen. Then you go through the whole thing all over again until you both end up in the kitchen drinking tea and chatting. In America, someone asks you if you want a cup of tea, you say no, and then you don't get any damned tea. I liked the Irish way better. ↗


— C.E. Murphy


#humor #ireland #tea #humor

Who are you?" he asked. I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on. ↗


— Eoin Colfer


#fun #humor #megalomania #world-domination #humor

They swoon over Tom, who preens for them, bowing, which sets them to blushing and giggling. God help us all. ↗


— Libba Bray


#beauty

She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season ↗


— P.G. Wodehouse


#humor

Besides, Southerners are hospitable. They'll probably offer me lemonade." Excuse me? You're going to sit on a porch and drink lemonade while I plow a swamp with a goat's horn?" Yes, ma'am. And I aim to wear my seamless shirt while you do it. ↗


— Nancy Werlin


#humor

My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band. ↗


— Steven Wright


#humor

My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson ↗


— Darynda Jones


#humor #humor

Holding a tear back makes them drain upward, higher and higher, until one day your head just explodes and you're left with a stub of a neck and nothing more. ↗


— Alice Hoffman


#humor

You don’t always have to say what’s on your mind. You can keep it to yourself for the time being. That’s called patience. ↗


— Art Hochberg


#inspirational #art






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