#humor

How do I know you'll keep your word?" asked Coraline. "I swear it," said the other mother. "I swear it on my own mother's grave." "Does she have a grave?" asked Coraline. "Oh yes," said the other mother. "I put her in there myself. And when I found her trying to crawl out, I put her back. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor #mothers #humor

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor

I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #home #humor #impatience #impatient

WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS? THE MAN'S A VAMPIRE! Yeah, but he's a really, REALLY sexy one. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney. ↗

— Tad Williams

#humor

Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#love #humor

This book was written using 100% recycled words. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#environmentalism #humor #humor

Max, if you survive your final test, can you steal me one of those magic outfits for me?" I'll try to get one for each of us. Hey! 'If'? ↗

— James Patterson

#humor

I look over at him. He stares straight ahead. "So," I say. "Golem, huh?" "I prefer the term 'Mineral-American. ↗

— D.D. Barant

#humor

You are all a lost generation," Gertrude Stein said to Hemingway. We weren't lost. We knew where we were, all right, but we wouldn't go home. Ours was the generation that stayed up all night. ↗

— James Thurber

#humor