#humor

We must find the dam snackbar ↗

— Zoe Nightshade Rick Riordan

#humor

If I were a serial killer, I would not be the kind that stabs and then eats the victim. I would be the kind that hides in a tree and shoots at the aerobics class. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#humor

Jane: Focus is important. V: Only if you're a microscope. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

He looked like a sexy ninja. Or a tiger ready to pounce on his prey. She just looked like she was sitting sideways on an invisible toilet. Curse the male species for making danger look so good! ↗

— Leia Shaw

#paranormal-romance #humor

Father, we come to You, Father, in the name of the Father, Father we come to You, Father, Father, just, just, Father, Father...' You don't talk to you friends like that. 'Ed, Ed, come over, Ed, Ed, Ed, you are, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, ooh, Ed, Ed, Ed' - he wouldn't be your friend anymore if you did that! Like, 'You keep saying Ed...my name's Joe! ↗

— Tim Hawkins

#humor #praying #humor

Gotta have more cowbell baby! ↗

— Christopher Walken

#humor

It's a well-known fact. All women are clinically insane, but especially ballet dancers. Psycho. estremely psycho. Trust me. ↗

— Marisa de los Santos

#humor

Great," Percy said. "Seven of us against Hercules." "And a satyr!" Hedge added. "We can take him. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

I'm sorry, but you just can't fit fabulous into a backpack. ↗

— Samantha Sotto

#humor

You know, I've heard you actually have to have sex to get pregnant. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor