#humor

If you think you know everything; you know nothing. If you think you know nothing; you know something. ↗

— Jayce O'Neal

#inspirational #jayce #oneal #humor

The following day I abandoned my pointless searching and planted myself in one of the open air-cafés where I drank coffee and tried to find inspiration for the song I owed the Maer. Ten hours I spent there, and the only act of creation I accomplished was to magically transform nearly a gallon of coffee into marvelous, aromatic piss. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#humor

I go on the presumption that everyone's full of shit until proven otherwise, and this usually serves me in good stead. ↗

— Dennis Lehane

#character #humor #humor-inspirational #humor

Why in the name of God do you wear these ugly ass granny panties? I swear it looks like you could parachute from the Dallas Lincoln Plaza with these and have a nice soft landing! Why don’t you get on the internet and apply your online shopping skills while purchasing some panties that do not look like they came from your Grans drawer? ↗

— Kathryn Vance-Perez

#humorous #panties #friendship

• The key to fighting is never to fight unless the cause is so great that you couldn’t bear not to defend it and the losses you are going to suffer are things that you could afford to lose. If you do fight, the thing to remember is that it is going to hurt because that is what happens in a fight and you might as well reconcile yourself to it in the beginning and then it will not matter when it happens ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#inspirational #humor

A lot of people don't think my brother has a temper. It's like they assume I somehow sucked up the entire quota of "cranky," and now Shaun's perpetually cheery and ready for a challenge while I glower at people from behind my sunglasses and plot the downfall of the Western world. ↗

— Mira Grant

#humor

Oh, cock! ↗

— James May

#humor

Why Banning Miller, what a vision you are in your fine dress. Must've taken a dozen slaves a dozen days to get you into that getup. 'Course, your daddy tells me it takes the space of a schoolboy's wink to get you out of it again. ↗

— Jane Espenson

#humor

(T)here was a story they used to tell at home about a girl whose punishment was that every time she opened her mouth, snakes and toads came out, snakes and toads with every word. The book didn't say what she did about it, but I've always assumed she probably ended up keeping her mouth shut. ↗

— Thomas Mann

#humor

A good editor is like a pair of Spanx: firming up the body, making the subject look good, and absolutely invisible. ↗

— Sandi Layne

#humor