#humor

You'll never get anything done by sitting on your hands or by wringing them. Try getting them dirty for a change and you'll be surprised by how much you can accomplish. ↗

— Belva Rae Staples

#inspirational #work-ethic #change

ah, my daughter", he said. "eighteen and already you've been accused of murdered, aided felons, amd required a death count higher than most gaurdians will ever see." he paused." i couldn't be prouder."-Abe Mazur ↗

— Richelle Mead

#death

Woman, you got a mouth on you." "It's not 1955 any longer. Women swear as much as men." "I miss women who talk about women things." "You're changing the subject. Keep it up and I'll talk about my period. That's a woman thing. ↗

— Edie Ramer

#humor #snark #women-humor #change

I am Orafoura, but you can call me Jarod Kintz. I’m fairly proud to proclaim that Dora J. Arod has me on her short list of “World’s worst writers.” The list couldn’t get any shorter, because I’m the only name on it. I should tell her to stop calling it a list, and change the title to “World’s worst writer.” If you’re wondering why I rate all my work one star, it’s because the rating system doesn’t have a zero star option, or better yet, go into negative numbers. ↗

— Orafoura

#books #humor #list #rating #ratings

The standard clauses of the American dream only included two weeks of vacation a year. ↗

— Jeff Deck

#sarcasm #change

(Can human beings change? The humor, and the sadness, of remarriage comedies can be said to result from the fact that we have no good answer to that question.) ↗

— Stanley Cavell

#happiness #hope #humor #marriage #remarriage

All's fair in love and war," said Ron brightly, "and this is a bit of both. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#love #relationships #death

If words had weight, a single sentence from Death would have anchored a ship. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #death

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#enemies #flavia-de-luce #humor #intelligence #sarcasm

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? ↗

— George Carlin

#funny-but-true #humor #death