#humor

The wolf sniffed beneath the door to be sure this was a human cottage. The scent was undeniable. No pigs, except in bacon form. The wolf thought bacon form was a very sensible way for pigs to behave. ↗

— Vivian Vande Velde

#humor #pigs #wolves #humor

I feel like grabbing my crotch and checking to see if my balls are still there because I think they may be in her pocket and I need to get them back. ↗

— Katja Millay

#humor #josh-bennett #nastya-kashnikov #humor

After searching for a space, I parked behind the tattoo parlor in front of a sign that said NO PARKING. Since it didn't specify to whom it was referring, I figured it couldn't possibly be talking to me. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

Hmm. I suppose not everyone can have a cat's perfect night vision, but still..." Puck snorted. "Yeah, your perfect kitty vision does us no good if you don't warn us that something is coming once in a while. Poofing away doesn't count. This way, we can at least have a heads-up." The cat thumped his tail. "Additionally, you can paint a neon sign over our heads that says, 'Easy meal, follow the flashing lights. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#humor #puck #humor

At least you died and went to heaven ↗

— Nicole Williams

#humor #jude #luce #sex #humor

This boy was so far out of my league it was embarrassing. I found myself staring at him, trying to find some minute flaw that might justify dragging him back to my level. Finding nothing, I decided that having a dimple on only one cheek was practically a deformity. ↗

— G.J. Walker-Smith

#perfection #saving-wishes #humor

But what would they have said to their Liaison? It’s like this, Meg. We didn’t like that Asia Crane, so we ate her. When dealing with humans, honesty isn’t always the best policy, Vlad thought ↗

— Anne Bishop

#humor #predator #prey #vampires #humor

Charles was most comfortable by himself or, if that wasn't possible, with his pack in the wild. Talking for hours in a crowded auditorium was not on any list of things he enjoyed—or things he was good at. At least no one had died. Yet. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#charles-cornick #humor #hunting-ground #public-speaking #humor

Tinks titties Rache Jenks ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor

I think I found my soulmate. Only someone like me can plague me beyond my limits. ↗

— Jaf Liethers

#jaf-liethers #quote #soulmates #humor