#humor

Since i couldn't remember the "real" first time i'd lost my virginity, this would have become my de facto first time. I wanted a better story then: I did it with this boy who i wasn't very into and who had mysterious Gaterade breath; in his room decorated with sports equipment; at least he was nice enough to provide condoms and get his ancient, horny dog to leave us along. ↗

— Gabrielle Zevin

#gabrielle-zevin #humor #naomi #sex #humor

Its gaze unlocked a room in my nightmares which should have remained closed. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#humor

I'm so gullible. I'm so damn gullible. And I'm so sick of me being gullible. ↗

— Lana Turner

#humor

I had never ironed anything in my life. The proper pressing of a shirt was a mystery of the universe akin to black holes and dark matter. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor

I shall claim full amends for every fall and stubbed toe, if you do not lead us well. ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#gimli #humor #humor

Self-esteem is for sissies. Accept that you're a pimple and try to keep a lively sense of humor about it. That way lies grace - and maybe even glory. ↗

— Tom Robbins

#humor

isaac knows how stupid i find these things, and he finds them just as stupid as i do. like lol. now, if there's anything stupider than buddy lists, it's lol. if anyone ever uses lol with me, i rip my computer right out of the wall and smash it over the nearest head. i mean, it's not like anyone's laughing out loud about the things they lol. i think it should be spelled loll, like what a lobotomized person's tongue does. loll. loll. i can't think any more. loll. loll! ↗

— David Levithan

#ya #humor

You see, I get so much fun out of thinking that I don’t want to destroy this pleasant machine that makes life such a big kick. ↗

— Richard P. Feynman

#humor

I don't believe in ONE holy book. I believe all books are holy. Of course, some books are holy shit. ↗

— John R. Lindensmith

#literature #religion #humor

Lord brayton is a very attractive man,' she called out above all their guffaws. 'And if he were to wear tis in my presence outside the bounds if this school, I would bed him. Repeatedly. Until I was unable to walk. ↗

— Delilah Marvelle

#humor