#humor

Ethan: "You think I'm a hero?" Beth: "Yes." Ethan: "But lousy husband material?" Like that really mattered to him. Beth: "Don't sweat it. So was Superman. ↗

— Lucy Monroe

#humor #lucy-monroe #marriage #humor

Name three types of olives." "Olives! I wouldn't know one type!" "Well, there are three. You can get green ones, you can get black ones, or you can get stuffed. ↗

— John Marsden

#humor

We began to butterfly kiss, which is when you touch your eyelashes to the other person's skin. I was going to respect Edwart's desire to wait, and he was going to respect my desire for winged creatures. ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#humor

Don't talk for five minutes, there's a good chap! I've a strange feeling come over me--almost as if I were going to think! ↗

— Aleister Crowley

#humour #humor

I deciced if I were ever to get into booze and women, my line would be, 'Excuse me, madam, but I would really love to bed and muss you. . . . Are you perchance free this evening? ↗

— Rachel Cohn

#humor #romance #teen #humor

I quite agree with Dr. Nordau's assertion that all men of genius are insane, but Dr. Nordau forgets that all sane people are idiots. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #humor

But if there's one thing I've learned in life it's this: assume makes an ass out of 'u' and 'me ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor

I never understood why you would ever feel the need to shoot the fish in the barrel. I mean, they're in a barrel, you've already caught them. The hard work's done, they can't escape. So if you want them dead, just drain the water out. Why bring guns into it? ↗

— Craig Silvey

#humor #redundancy #humor

Boo: "Go talk to her." Callum: "About what?" Boo: "Anything." Callum: "You want me to walk up to her and say, 'Are you a ghost?'" Boo: "I do that." Callum: "I love it when you get it wrong. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#callum #ghosts #humor #humor

You're judging her by her literacy,' Tara says. 'You're a literacist.' 'You've made that up.' Thomas Mackee packs up his stuff and stands up. 'You chicks give me the shits,' he says. 'You, on the other hand, brighten up our day,' I tell him. 'We all regard you as a god. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#humor