#humor

Restraining, saving, assuring your checkbook balance...what does all taht amount to? If I go broke one day I'll just take out loans ↗

— Novala Takemoto

#loans #money #money

Governments were only invented to give banks a medium of exchange. Politicians are the only universal currency. ↗

— Bauvard

#currency #funny #government #humor #money

Hacker with Bullhorn: "Save your money! Accept one of our free tanks! It is invulnerable, and can drive across rocks and swamps at ninety miles an hour while getting a hundred miles to the gallon!" Prospective Station Wagon Buyer: "I know what you say is true...but...er...I don't know how to maintain a tank!" Bullhorn: "You don't know how to maintain a station wagon either!" Buyer: "But this dealership has mechanics on staff. If something goes wrong with my station wagon, I can take a day off work, bring it here, and pay them to work on it while I sit in the waiting room for hours, listening to elevator music." Bullhorn: "But if you accept one of our free tanks, we will send volunteers to your house to fix it for free while you sleep!" Buyer: "Stay away from my house, you freak! ↗

— Neal Stephenson

#money

(…) my money guy Richard is going without a tie now, like a politician who wants to appeal to the suffering common man (or perhaps every morning his firm takes the ties and shoelaces away from the brokers and financial planners to keep them from offing themselves) ↗

— Jess Walter

#finance #humor #suicide #money

„Listen,” Richard says, „unless you're about to inherit some money, what we're talking about here is irreversible, fatal. You have fiscal Ebola, Matt. You are bleeding out through your nose and your mouth and your eye sockets, from your financial asshole.” See! Fiscal Ebola? My financial asshole is bleeding? This was exactly why I started poetfolio.com; there are money poets everywhere. ↗

— Jess Walter

#humor #money

Vince and I had reached the point where there was nothing else we could think of to do with the taco wrapper, and since he refused to draw straws for the privilege of telling Deborah, I'd been forced to make the call to give her the news that we'd come up blank. And three minutes later, here she was, striding into our lab like avenging fury. "Goddamn it," she said before she was even all the way in the room, "I need something from you!" "Maybe a sedative?" Vince suggested, and for once I thought he was right on the money. ↗

— Jeff Lindsay

#double-dexter #humor #money

Fifteen minutes later, Betsy came thundering down the stairs. "I'm going to the mall with Sierra to see a movie." Michael leaned forward, switched off the television. "Can you please rephrase that in the form of a question?" "Sure. Can I have some money? ↗

— Kristin Hannah

#kids #parenting #humor

I would rather avoid disaster than take it out for dinner and a movie. - Chynna Lennox ↗

— Jim Cooper

#humor #mystery #movies

We need a full coven...nine women...twelve's better. Do you have any friends?" Characters, Aunt Jett and Aunt Frances to character, Sally Owens, from the movie "Practical Magic". ↗

— Robin Swicord

#practical-magic-the-movie #movies

Do you think he's the murderer?" "It's worse than that -- he's an actor! ↗

— Julian Fellowes

#crime #humor #movies #murderers #perceptions