#humor

Um...Mercer? Haven't seen you in nearly a month. I was expecting something like, 'Oh Cross, love of my heart, fire of my loins, how I've longed-- ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#archer-cross #funny #hex-hall #humor #mercer

I guess it's true what they say. There are no straight men in the trenches." ~Jace ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #funny #humor #jace-wayland #misquoted

When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#door #figure #figure-out #funny #humor

I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cup #funny #humor #investment #life

I like a very dry wit, not the big kind of humor like Robin Williams. I don't think I'm capable of that. ↗

— Chris Cooper

#capable #dry #humor #i #kind

How can you ask me when i want to get married when you have yet to ask me if i will marry you? ↗

— Rochelle Alers

#humor #humor

So I told the lady Biology and high school were useless crap, I was going to get a job, and I was never coming back to school. And I didn’t. Yeah, I sure showed them. ↗

— Diana Rowland

#death

Here," Myrnin said, his voice still gentle and low. "Amelie said you had to work. No one said you had to work alone." He picked up the next part and slotted it in, took the screwdriver from Claire's numbed fingers, and fastened it with a couple of deft, fast movements. "I'll be your hands." She wanted to cry, because it was so sweet, but it wouldn't do any good. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #morganville-vampires #myrnin

I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #iq-test #jarod-kintz #funny

I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #dada #funny #humor #hunt