#humor

The ultimate downfall of the computerized holographic receptionist was that there was no amount of flattery, flirtation or chocolate that could convince one to lie for you. ↗

— Scott B. Pruden

#humorous-quotes #immaculate-deception #satire #science-fiction #science-fiction-comedy

There was something ghost-like and insubstantial about gases to these early chemists. They called liquids that turned into gases easily, "spirits." Methyl alcohol, they called "wood spirit"; ethyl alcohol, "wine spirit." Even today, alcoholic beverages are frequently referred to as "spirits." (Modern Arabs, from whose language the word "alcohol" was taken, call ethyl alcohol "spirit" from the English. This is a queer exchange.) ↗

— Isaac Asimov

#chemistry #humor #science #science

With great power comes great dissipation. ↗

— Timothy Poston

#humor #science #science

I'm convinced that Theoretical Physicist is just another way of saying BS Artist. ↗

— J.C. Cassels

#science #science

Yeah, but will it hurt?”’ I asked. “This is science, Zach,” Randy said, reassuringly, as he tilted my head back and lowered the lens to my eye. “Of course it will hurt. ↗

— John Zakour

#sci-fi #sci-fi-humour-comedy #science

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#science-fiction #science

People blame science. Shit, man, people shouldn’t blame science. People should blame people. ↗

— Mira Grant

#humor #mira-grant #science #true #science

The Googleplex Star Thinker is a super-computer from the Seventh Galaxy of Light and Ingenuity and has the ability to calculate the trajectory of every single dust particle during a five-week Dangrabad Beta sand blizzard. The Deep Thought computer call it a pocket calculator in comparison to itself. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor #science-fiction #science

My father had the spirit and integrity of a scientist, but he was a salesman. I remember asking him the question "How can a man of integrity be a salesman?" He said to me, "Frankly, many salesmen in the business are not straightforward--they think it's a better way to sell. But I've tried being straightforward, and I find it has its advantages. In fact, I wouldn't do it any other way. If the customer thinks at all, he'll realize he has had some bad experience with another salesman, but hasn't had that kind of experience with you. So in the end, several customers will stay with you for a long time and appreciate it. ↗

— Richard P. Feynman

#humor-inspirational #integrity-in-science #integrity-of-a-salesman #integrity-of-a-scientist #life-inspirational

That's what happens when stars stop fusing hydrogen into helium. They lose their helium, become too heavy, and then fall through the spacetime fabric, leaving the black hole behind them. ↗

— Diana Rose

#humor #science