#humor

You're an idiot." "I've never claimed to be otherwise. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#idiocy #humor

If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#love #humor

An Unbreakable Vow?" said Ron, looking stunned. "Nah, he can’t have.... Are you sure?" "Yes I’m sure," said Harry. "Why, what does it mean?" "Well, you can’t break an Unbreakable Vow..." "I’d worked that much out for myself, funnily enough. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #malfoy #ron-weasley #snape #unbreakable-vow

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#men #witchcraft #witches #women #humor

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #ignorance #knowledge #humor

You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#mythological #paradise #humor

Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#dawn #humor #jacob #mirror #rosalie

Where is Wood?" said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there. "Still in the showers," said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship. And while they are looking down on it in astonishment, I’ll bunch up my knuckles and punch them in the face. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#friendship #hilarious #humor #punch #ravings

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #money #humor