#humour

Look!" Hawkeye said. Duke looked where Hawkeye was pointing. In one corner, kneeling on the dirt floor with his elbows on his cot, a Bible in front of him, his lips moving slowly, and oblivious to all about him, was Major Jonathan Hobson. "Jesus," Hawkeye said. "It don't look like Him," Duke said. ↗

— Richard Hooker

#humour #religion #religion

We could all use the power of prayer now and then, but it seems to me that the people who are sure they have a direct line to heaven are most often calling collect with bad news. ↗

— Mark Abramson

#prayer #religion #religion

I am one of those servants – butlers usually – who respectfully points out when their master is about to do something stupid: "You should probably only burn the document once the blackmail has been completed, m' lady. ↗

— Joe Dunthorne

#humour #respect

Babbage's Three Laws of Difference Engines First Law: A difference engine must have at least six cogs. Second Law: A difference engine must be able to operate a loom. Third law: A difference engine must be able to kill a man, should the mood so take it. ↗

— Gideon Defoe

#humour #robotics #steampunk #romantic

She’d never known a man whose initial move was to undress the woman he wanted. ↗

— Tara Janzen

#romance #romantic-suspense #romantic

You can’t possibly be afraid of trees. ↗

— Tara Janzen

#romance #romantic-suspense #romantic

I like you but you mightn't feel the same way about me, and I wouldn't blame you. To save us both from any awkward moments I've figured out an easy way to do this. Nod if you're even slightly interested in getting to know me. Write a ten page explanation if you're not. ↗

— Bill Condon

#love #romantic #love

I don’t know why Kate was trying to impress him, as far as I could see the guy had all the allure and social grace of a psychotic slug with halitosis and a bad head cold. ↗

— Sharon Sant

#humour #quirky-characters #romantic-comedy #sisters #ya

Wash: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction. Zoe: We live in a space ship, dear. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#humour #irony #science-fiction #science

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#humour #monster #standup #balance