#humour

A man who trusts everyone is a fool and a man who trusts no one is a fool. We are all fools if we live long enough. ↗

— Robert Jordan

#humour #trust

I don't hate people. I just feel better when they aren't around. ↗

— Charles Bukowski

#misanthropy #people

All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone. ↗

— Blaise Pascal

#problems

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them." (The Decider, July 21, 2007) ↗

— Bill Maher

#humour #ideas #idiocy #politics #ridicule

Somebody should have taken him to a stationary store and pointed out the difference between an envelope and a whore. ↗

— Richard Brautigan

#humour #noir #stationary #dreams

Simon: You're in a dangerous line of work, Jayne. Odds are you'll be under my knife again, often. So I want you to understand one thing very clearly: No matter what you do or say or plot, no matter how you come down on us, I will never, ever harm you. You're on this table, you're safe... 'cause I'm your medic. And however little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles, same enemies, and more than enough of both. Now, we could circle each other and growl, sleep with one eye open, but that thought wearies me. I don't care what you've done, I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same. 'Cause I don't see this working any other way. River: Also, I can kill you with my brain. ↗

— Ben Edlund

#humour #team-work #truce #trust #understanding

When did you get so smart?" He tapped his forehead. "Brain transplant. They put in a whale's. I'm passing all my classes with my eyes closed now, but I just can't get over this craving for krill." He shrugged. "And I feel sorry for the whale that got my brain. Probably swimming around Florida now trying to catch glimpses of girls in bikinis. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#brain

Don’t take this the wrong way, but you smell like Magnus. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#smelling-like-magnus #wrong

The English language is like London: proudly barbaric yet deeply civilised, too, common yet royal, vulgar yet processional, sacred yet profane. Each sentence we produce, whether we know it or not, is a mongrel mouthful of Chaucerian, Shakespearean, Miltonic, Johnsonian, Dickensian and American. Military, naval, legal, corporate, criminal, jazz, rap and ghetto discourses are mingled at every turn. The French language, like Paris, has attempted, through its Academy, to retain its purity, to fight the advancing tides of Franglais and international prefabrication. English, by comparison, is a shameless whore. ↗

— Stephen Fry

#french #humour #language #london #paris

Well he should get over himself. He tried to get me burned at the stake in Brit History yesterday. Here I am minding my own business like a good little girl, and out of the blue Tucker raises his hand and accuses me of being a witch" "sounds like something Tucker would do" admits wendy. "Everybody had to vote on it. I barely escaped with my nuns life. Obviously I'll have to return the favour. ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#business