#humour

Wait, you remember that?" "Of course I remember that. You sounded like a frat boy and looked like a fucking model. What man could ever forget that?" "I would have given anything to know what you were thinking right then." "I was thinking, 'Highly fuckable intern, twelve o'clock. Disengage, soldier. I repeat, disengae. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#humour #beauty

Wow, top five percent of your class at Northwestern. Nice!" Joel said and then looked over at me. "Bet you're glad to have someone so amazing working under you, huh?" Chloe coughed slightly, bringing her napkin up from her lap to cover her mouth. I smiled as I quickly glanced over to her and then back to Joel. "Yes, its absolutely amazing having Miss Mills under me. She always gets the job done. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#humour #beauty

She'd proven to be one of the most aggravating people I'd ever met. Unfortunately for me, she was also the best sex I'd ever had. Fuck, he'd better never get that far. I wasn't sure I knew where to hide a body around here. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#humour #beauty

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police. ↗

— Jeff Marder

#age

It’s not easy to be God. ↗

— Péter Zilahy

#coming-of-age #dark-humour #sacrifice #age

(backpacker having conversation with Lizzie the Australian main character) Backpacker: 'What's the drinking age in Australia?' 'eighteen' 'is that enforced' Lizzie thought for a second before answering seriously, 'yes, they make us drink ↗

— Catherine Deveny

#backpacker #drinking #humourous #age

You could have heard a bee fluff ↗

— S.W. Lothian

#humorous #middle-age #age

Cave basilischium! The rex of serpenti, tant pleno of poison that it all shines dehors! Che dicam, il veleno, even the stink comes dehors and kills you! Poisons you...And it has black spots on his back, and a head like a coq, and half goes erect over the terra, and half on the terra like the other serpents. And it kills the bellula...' 'The bellula?' 'Oc! Parvissimum animal, just a bit plus longue than the rat, and also called the musk-rat. And so the serpe and the botta. And when they bite it, the bellula runs to the fenicula or to the cicerbita and chews it, and comes back to the battaglia. And they say it generates through the oculi, but most say they are wrong.' I asked him what he was doing with a basilisk and he said that was his business. ↗

— Umberto Eco

#macaronic #business

Just because you said dragon demons were extinct—" "I said mostly extinct." Alec jabbed a finger toward him. "Mostly extinct," he said, his voice trembling with rage, "is NOT EXTINCT ENOUGH." "I see," said Jace. "I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-ashes #humour #jace-wayland #change

People who can change and change again are so much more reliable and happier than those who can’t ↗

— Stephen Fry

#happiness #humour #change