#if

Biffy said, off the cuff, "Or we could find a replacement queen." "Volunteering for the position?" "Why, Professor, is that wittiness I detect?" "Only for you." "Charmer." Biffy tapped him on the arm playfully. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#humor #professor-lyall #timeless #humor

Hang up the phone on a vampire, the definition of carefree. ↗

— Steve Aylett

#life #love #weird #humor

Sometimes it’s better to fail with pride, than to succeed at a price ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#humour #life #philosophy #success #wisdom

Everyone wants a piece of you. The trick is what piece to give. ↗

— Solange nicole

#humor #life #people #selfishness #society

Jacob: I've never seen so much manure. Wade: Baggage stock horses. They pack'em in 27 a car. Jacob: how do you stand the smell? Wade: what smell? ↗

— Sara Gruen

#life #humor

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? ↗

— Steve Wright

#life #humor

Why don't you find out for yourself? Then you'll see the glass, hidden in the grass. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #lyrics #music #humor

I am very much out of my element here. There are moments, listening to the conversations going on around me, when I feel I am going to lose my mind. Earlier today, I heard someone say the words, "I felt at one with the divine source of creation." Mary Roach on a conducted tour of Hades. I had to fight the urge to push back my chair and start screaming: STAND BACK! ALL OF YOU! I'VE GOT AN ARTHUR FINDLAY BOX CUTTER! Instead, I quietly excused myself and went to the bar, to commune with spirits I know how to relate to. ↗

— Mary Roach

#humor #medium #psychic #science #humor

When life gives you lemons, say cool, what else you got? ↗

— Carmen in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

#lemon #life #humor

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#husband #marriage #toads #wife #humor