#in

Where's the pleasure in bein' the winner if the loser ain't alive to know they've lost? ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#losing #winning #humor

It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet. ↗

— George W. Bush

#bushism #children #dungeon #humor #internet

In Life, you need to know the difference between what you think is right and what you know is right. ↗

— Rea Erika Paraz Ebate

#humor #life #wisdom #wise-sayings #humor

...the day shit is worth money, poor people will be born without an asshole ↗

— Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

#inspirational #humor

They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer ↗

— Bill Hicks

#media-journalism #society #thinking #humor

I pressed PLAY and started up Chiron's favorite--the All-Time Greatest Hits of Dean Martin. Suddenly the air was filled with violins and a bunch of guys moaning in Italian. The demon pigeons went nuts. They started flying in circles, running into each other like they wanted to bash their own brains out. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #pigeons #humor

People who could easily be mistaken as preteens just shouldn’t even try to pull off the look-at-me-I’m-so-serious-and-mysterious-and-sexy look. Especially while driving because, please, you look like you are twelve and a half and driving with a serious look. Most kids who get the opportunity to drive illegally are smiling so big that they look dyslexic and about to piss their pants with excitement because they are in operation of a vehicle that isn’t manufactured by PlayStation. ↗

— Chase Brooks

#humor #playstation #preteens #sexy #humor

Smartass Disciple: Master, what is the secret recipe of your happiness? Master of Stupidity: If I tell you, there is nobody left to be made fun of. ↗

— Toba Beta

#happiness #humor #recipe #secret #humor

There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately. ↗

— Dave Barry

#call #humor #life #men #phone

It can be exhausting eating a meal cooked by a man. With a woman, it's, Ho hum, pass the beans. A guy, you have to act like he just built the Taj Mahal. ↗

— Deb Caletti

#cooking #gender-stereotypes #humor #humor