#in

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#happy #happy marriage #remains #secret

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#ask #candlelight #dancing #dinner #go

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#doctor #going #i #leg #me

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#human #human being #nice #personality #you

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#dope #i #kill #knew #living

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#drinks #eighty #glasses #grandmother #need

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#had #life #live #over #overseas

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first! ↗

— Henny Youngman

#bed #complains #feet #first #get

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#does #get #gift #his #how

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#brother-in-law #died #expert #first #first time