#is

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man. ↗

— Bertrand Russell

#democracy #funny #humour #politics #revolution

I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #loser #truism #funny

I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s because Pisces are fish, and it’s like my grandpa always used to say, “The next best thing to making love to a mermaid, is having sex with a fish. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #lovers #mermaid #pisces #funny

Kat," Hale groaned, then fell back onto the pillows. "Funny, I didn't hear a doorbell." "I let myself in; hope that's okay." Hale smiled. "Or the alarm." She stepped inside, tossed a pocket-size bag of tools onto the bed. "You're due for an upgrade." Hale propped himself against the antique headboard and squinted up at her. "She returns." He crossed his arms across his bare chest. "You know, I could be naked in here. ↗

— Ally Carter

#ally-carter #bishop #carter #hale #heist

They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#florida #funny #hear #spanish #talking

The best birthday present I ever got from my grandpa was a skinny black tie. It didn’t come in a bag, a box, or even rolled up in tissue paper. It came wrapped in wisdom. As soon as he gave it to me he said, “A tie would make a stronger impression on your boss if you used it as a blindfold and kidnapped him. That‘s why I bought you a black one. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#blindfold #funny #kidnapped #wisdom #funny

I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #lipstick #love #thesis #funny

The dark prince sat astride his black steed, his sable cape flowing behind him. A golden circlet bound his blond locks, his handsome face was cold with the rage of battle, and... "And his arm looked like an eggplant," Clary muttered to herself in exasperation. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #mortal-instruments #simon-lewis #funny

This is America. We’re entitled to our opinions.” “Wrong. This is Texas. And my opinion is the only one that counts. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#arrogant #call-me-irresistible #funny #humour #sep

The biggest challenge after success is shutting up about it. ↗

— Criss Jami

#arrogance #arrogant #boasting #bragging #challenges