#is

Look on the bright side," said Simon, "If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I'm not sure the rest of you qualify anyway. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #optimism #quip #simon-lewis #humor

Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or..." "Or we'll die?" I guessed. "Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes." "Let's avoid the swords," I decided. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #poison #shrivel #swords #humor

I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #sarcasm #humor

Basia coquum," Simon said. "Or whatever their motto is." "It's 'Descensus Averno facilis est.' 'The descent into hell is easy," said Alec. "You just said "Kiss the cook." "Dammit," said Simon. "I knew Jace was screwing with me. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #simon-lewis #humor

Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die. ↗

— John Green

#humor #wise #humor

We’ll never survive!” “Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has. ↗

— William Goldman

#humor #optimism #survival #humor

Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall. ↗

— Eleanor Roosevelt

#risque #humor

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#isolationism #political-philosophy #politics #humor

What is it with you today?” says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are still swollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face. “Oh, you know,” I say. “Sun shining. Birds chirping.” She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an underground tunnel. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#humor #tris #humor

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up. ↗

— Woody Allen

#humor #organized-religion #religion #woody-allen #humor