#jo

↑ top up position down The fact that I suspect I'm an asshole means I probably am not, because a real asshole doesn't think he's an asshole, does he? Therefore, by realizing that I'm an asshole, I am in fact negating that very realization, am I not? Descartes's Asshole Axiom: I think I am; therefor I'm not one. ↗

— Jonathan Tropper

#humor #jonathan-tropper #humor

Roger said, 'I don't know about having a shrink around all the time. Are you analyzing me right now?' Sophie rolled her eyes. 'How original. No, I'm not analyzing you. It'd take a whole team of shrinks to figure out your crazy ass, and I simply don't have the time or energy. ↗

— Jennifer Lane

#new-job #psychologist #romance #romantic-suspense #with-good-behavior

Joke exchanges are carried on in deadly earnest, like a verbal duel-mouth-to-mouth combat. Bang, bang: you’re (linguistically) dead. ↗

— David Crystal

#jokes #language-play #humor

If she’d been born at the right time they would have burned her over in Salem. ↗

— John Updike

#comic #humor #john-updike #humor

Sunrises and sunsets are real jerks about putting things in perspective. ↗

— Josh Lieb

#josh-lieb #humor

Is this the reality you wanted? ↗

— Jonghyun

#jonghyun #k-pop #reality #shinee #humor

My sex life is okay." "Yeah," Morelli said. "But sometimes it's fun to have a partner. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#joe-morelli #stephanie-plum #humor

The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, "I want to love, I want to live... ↗

— David Sedaris

#funny #humor #joke #funny

My high school guidance counselor, Mrs. Inverholl, once had me take an aptitude test to figure out my future. The number one job recommendation for my set of skills was an air traffic accident investigator, of which there are fewer than fifty in the world. The number two job was a museum curator for Chinese-American studies. The number three job was a circus clown. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#jobs #humor

There's nothing happy about love at all!! I would rather have not known real love... if it hurts this much. ↗

— Chitose Yagami

#beat #chitose #fall #in-love #like