#k

I got a dog-training book. It says Grendel needs mental stimulation, so I tried to train him, but I think he must be retarded. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#grendel #kate #ilona-andrews

Adrian was easily distractible by wacky topics and shiny objects. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #sydney-sage #humor

Your face will freeze like that, you know, Kat," Raffin said helpfully to Katsa. "Maybe I should rearrange your face, Raff," said Katsa. "I should like smaller ears," Raffin offered. "Prince Raffin has nice, handsome ears," Helda said, not looking up from her knitting. "As will his children. Your children will have no ears at all, My Lady," she said sternly to Katsa. Katsa stared back at her, flabbergasted. "I believe it's more that her ears won't have children," began Raffin, "which, you'll agree, sounds much less— ↗

— Kristin Cashore

#helda #humor #katsa #raffin #humor

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is. ↗

— Yogi Berra

#theory #think #humor

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #lack-of-feeling #love #lovelessness #marriage

If you didn't grow up like I did then you don't know, and if you don't know it's probably better you don't judge. ↗

— Junot Díaz

#growing-up #humor #judgment #knowing #experience

Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening. ↗

— Graham Parke

#philosophy #quirky #humor

If I was made of cake I'd eat myself before somebody else could. ↗

— Emma Donoghue

#child #humor #self #humor

I tried to explain as much as I could," Poppet says. "I think I made an analogy about cake." "Well, that must have worked," Widget says. "Who doesn't like a good cake analogy? ↗

— Erin Morgenstern

#humorous #widget #humor

Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems were for alcoholics, and Mores were for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren't. ↗

— David Sedaris

#smoking #stereotypes #humor