#kid

I wish I knew what you were talking about," she returned. "Where's the pin?" "Pin?" "Yes. Pin. To fasten the diaper. The kid can't hold the thing up with two hands. ↗

— Emma Goldrick

#funny

People worried too much about their children. Suffering when you're young is good for you. It immunized your body and soul... ↗

— Jeannette Walls

#kids-funny #parenting #suffering #funny

Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon--perfect. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #kids #storm_front #humor

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid! ↗

— Bill Watterson

#calvin-and-hobbes #comic #comic-strips #comics #hobbes

I could tell I loved her from the moment I saw her, right after she opened the trunk, untied me, and took off my blindfold.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bound #kidnap #love #ropes #trunk

Supposing I went begging instead of going to school and drew pictures and sang songs on a street corner and people gave me money and one day my father came home and said he was ruined and I told him not to worry and led him to my room and showed him my trunk full of pennies and he laughed and laughed... ↗

— Alastair Reid

#money #home

I scoop a clattering cascade of green apple Jelly Bellys into the white paper bag and remember when we were seven. I got stung by a jellyfish. Tim cried because his mother, and mine, wouldn’t let him pee on my leg, which he’d heard was an antidote to the sting. ↗

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

#kids #ya #funny

Max." Fang let go of my hand. "Right now, it's really all about—us." He swooped down to the right in a big semicircle, ending facing me. Slowly we climbed upward, until we were almost vertical, flying straight up to the sun. While carefully synchronizing our wings—they almost touched—Fang leaned in, gently put one hand behind my neck, and kissed me. It was just about as close to heaven as I'll ever get, I guess. I closed my eyes, lost in the feeling of flying and kissing and being with the one person in the world I completely, utterly trusted. When we finally broke apart, we looked down at the others, who were way far below us now. Angel was shading her eyes, looking up at us with a big smile. She was sitting on a dolphin's back, and I hoped soon someone would explain to the dolphin that he shouldn't let Angel take advantage of his good nature. Still looking up at us, Angel gave us a big thumbs-up. "She approves," Fang said with a hint of amusement. "Jeez," I wondered aloud. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing? ↗

— James Patterson

#couple #dolphin #flying #friendship #happiness

She’s not showing any interest in me and she looks like she doesn’t want to be here. Should I take off her handcuffs? I thought kidnap victims were supposed to fall in love with their captors?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fall-in-love #handcuffs #interest #kidnap #kidnapped

If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. ↗

— George Carlin

#kids #parenting #role-models #humor