#lee

I had a dream about you. You had just died, and I was debating putting your body into either a coffin or a shoebox. My decision was based solely on spatial concerns, so I chose the ashtray, because I thought it best to smoke your essence like a cigarette. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I was proud of working 18 hours a day and sleeping three hours a night. It's something now that has turned into a problem for me: not being able to sleep... having insomnia. ↗

— Puff Daddy

#being #day #having #hours #i

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh. ↗

— Robert Orben

#choices #crisis #fight #flee #had

I had a dream about you. You were you, but you were many—a multitude of mannequins, each named Manny. And I was me, but I was Dark Jar Tin Zoo, and as such I made love to you—all of you. Then I woke up alone, naked, cuddling a mannequin I named after you who smells like you, because I spray it with the same fragrance you used to wear. Is that crazy? No, I didn’t think so either. 
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes and duct tape in the trunk. I tried telling you my family has no money, but you had to find out the hard way.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

We cannot appeal to the conscience of the world when our own conscience is asleep. ↗

— Carl von Ossietzky

#asleep #cannot #conscience #our #own

When there is a psyche-disrupting event in your life, it can prevent you from getting the long blocks of sleep at night that are so important to healthy aging. ↗

— Mehmet Oz

#blocks #event #getting #healthy #important

I had a dream about you. You were a lone candle on a barren vanilla cake, and I was the mighty breath sent to extinguish your light. I felt like God’s wrath coming down to destroy the Illuminati, while you probably thought I was the Satan coming to snuff out the light of the world. And the spectators who were gathered around the spectacle probably thought it was all one big party, as they stood still like mindless zombies singing “Happy Birthday.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I hate the cursed Oriole fundamentals... I've been doing them since 1964. I do them in my sleep. I hate spring training. ↗

— Jim Palmer

#cursed #doing #fundamentals #hate #i

We do not know it because we are fooling away our time with outward and perishing things, and are asleep in regard to that which is real within ourself. ↗

— Paracelsus

#away #because #fooling #know #our