#lice

Dave? This is John." "What are you-" Alive? "-in an ambulance or something?" "Yes and no. Are you still at the police station?" "Yeah. We were both-" "Have I died yet? ↗

— David Wong

#died-yet #funny #john #police #funny

Speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing-- turn your toes out when you walk--- And remember who you are! ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#alice-in-wonderland #french #humor #lewis-carroll #remember

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#fat #found #get #likely #more

Great idea," I said. "Call the police. Call the fucking police. ↗

— Ava Gardner

#fighting #frank-sinatra #humor #police #humor

If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car ↗

— Judy Gold

#police #wisdom #humor

He ignored me, thank God, saying to Kat, "Let go of Frosty's leash. You're choking the life out of him." Kat's eyes narrowed to tiny slits, a sure sign of her aggression. "He deserves to choke. He didn't keep little frosty in his pants this summer." the words snapped like a whip. "He did." Cole snapped back with unwavering confidence. "Not." "Did." "Not!" "Did," "Not, not, not!" she shouted with a stomp of her foot. "What are we five?" Cole said. "Six. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#cole #hilarious #kat #life

When Juliet came flying down the hallway, Stella didn't recognize her friend. Juliet hadn't bothered with makeup; she was wearing a nightgown underneath her raincoat and had on plastic flip-flops. This was the way loved walked in, barely dressed, confused, panic-stricken, overcome, not caring what anyone thought or what they believed. ↗

— Alice Hoffman

#life #life-and-living #love #life

Running along the bank was a white rabbit wearing a waistcoat and looking worriedly at a clock. Appearing and disappearing at various points on both banks was a dark blue British police telephone booth, out of which a perplexed-looking man holding a screwdriver would periodically emerge. A group of dwarf bandits could be seen disappearing into a hole in the sky. "Time travelers," said Nobodaddy in a voice of gentle disgust. "They're everywhere these days. ↗

— Salman Rushdie

#doctor #time-travel #life

I love my country, not my government. ↗

— Jesse Ventura

#bill-of-rights #constitution #despotism #freedom #government

What did dead mean, Ray wondered. It meant lost, it meant frozen, it meant gone. ↗

— Alice Sebold

#the-lovely-bones #love