#m

Just because I look like John Wayne (at least my liver looks identical to his) doesn’t mean I play cowboy with politics. I’m going to vote for Philo T. Farnsworth for president, and so should you. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #politics #funny

Oh. Momma told me not to tell you that your bed squeaks. But I think you know, 'cause I could hear it this morning. Jake dropped his fork. Tor, for the first time Jake had ever seen, turned scarlet. Maureen looked at them both and sighed. Christmas is always so interesting with you, Mark. ↗

— Chris Owen

#funny #kids-humor #m-m #funny

A good story should provoke discussion, debate, argument...and the occasional bar fight. ↗

— J. Michael Strazynski

#humor #j-michael-strazynski #story #writing #funny

Agatha was a woman. All women are mortal. Therefore, Agatha must be dead.” -Orafoura ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#mortal #random #syllogism #funny

We’re adults. I might be a little more of an adult if you’re counting years but I bet I have a lower IQ, so that puts us pretty much even. ↗

— Robyn Carr

#cute #funny #humour #romance #romantic

Once I started I couldn’t put it down. It was so addictive . . . like a train wreck. ↗

— Katie Klein

#cross-my-heart #funny #jaden-mcentyre #katie-klein #parker-whalen

Ish #1 "It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles. ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-quotes #humor #humorous #tags-funny-and-random #funny

Spending one’s last moments prostrated before the toilet is the supreme act of repentance. It allows one to relieve a heavy inner burden. ↗

— Bauvard

#confession #funny #humor #prostration #toilet

If consulted about my conception, I would have taken one look at the two pitiful specimens contributing to the project and considered it a poor investment. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

The only practical thing to do with the absent-minded is to put them in retirement homes when they are born and admire their artwork when they are senile. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #practical #funny