#m

I have been stabbed, shot, burned, bitten, beaten unconscious too many times to count, and even staked. None of those held a candle to the pain I felt at seeing his mouth on hers. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#vampire #humor

How do I know you'll keep your word?" asked Coraline. "I swear it," said the other mother. "I swear it on my own mother's grave." "Does she have a grave?" asked Coraline. "Oh yes," said the other mother. "I put her in there myself. And when I found her trying to crawl out, I put her back. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor #mothers #humor

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor

The advice that I usually give to young actors is that if you can create a character for the stage and keep that character fresh for at least 6 months that means you're doing the show eight times a week. ↗

— Joe Morton

#character #create #doing #eight #fresh

I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #home #humor #impatience #impatient

WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS? THE MAN'S A VAMPIRE! Yeah, but he's a really, REALLY sexy one. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney. ↗

— Tad Williams

#humor

Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#love #humor

This book was written using 100% recycled words. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#environmentalism #humor #humor

Max, if you survive your final test, can you steal me one of those magic outfits for me?" I'll try to get one for each of us. Hey! 'If'? ↗

— James Patterson

#humor