#m

Mankind's biggest blunder, ignorance. Mankind's second, infallible. ↗

— M.T. Dismuke

#humor #hypocrisy #sigh #thank-you #humor

My sex life is okay." "Yeah," Morelli said. "But sometimes it's fun to have a partner. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#joe-morelli #stephanie-plum #humor

I was thinking, while I was running..." He paused. "About not hitting the trees, I hope. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#humor

I like one hair, tuna fish, the smell of rain and things that are pink. I hate pimples, baked potatoes, when my mother's mad, and religious holidays. ↗

— Judy Blume

#humor

If you don’t care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the first letters. Somebody who didn’t care about dentists, for instance could say ‘Dentist, schmentists. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#lemony-snicket #schm #humor

Say what you want, I still think Dracula One and Dracula Two are creep-tacular. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#humor #humor

I was sorry to lose it, and if you make me another one, I promise not to get taken captive by bandits and have to use it to save my life. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#fantasy #humor #romance #humor

I’m trying to figure the rules. This isn’t yin and yang, it’s more like yin and yank. The past few days I’ve been going, OK, she doesn’t mix the... romance so well with the single-mindedness of the police work. So it gets me wondering, Is the solution for me to give up our working relationship? Stop my magazine research so we can-?” Nikki grabbed him into a deep kiss. Then she pulled away and said, “Will you shut up? ↗

— Richard Castle

#humor #romance #humor

The Fundamentalist Christians have told me that I am a slave of Satan and should have my demons expelled with an exorcism. The Fundamentalist Materialists inform me that I am a liar, charlatan, fraud and scoundrel. Aside from this minor difference, the letters are astoundingly similar. Both groups share the same crusading zeal and the same lack of humor, charity and common human decency. These intolerable cults have served to confirm me in my agnosticism by presenting further evidence to support my contention that when dogma enters the brain, all intellectual activity ceases. ↗

— Robert Anton Wilson

#christianity #humor #humor

If there were such a thing as an inter-city thieving contest, Ankh-Morpork would bring home the trophy and probably everyone’s wallets. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #thievery #humor