#m

Out of curiosity, when do I grow up and become a fullfledged man with a penis?” “When words like ‘hump day’ don’t make you giggle like a twelve-year-old,” he retorted, blowing smoke my way. “Wow, that long? ↗

— Dani Alexander

#growing-up #humor #hump-day #humor

There are seven and a half billion people on this earth - somebody's got to get sucked into a vortex. ↗

— Jenine Wallach

#sci-fi #humor

There are few things less stylish than a boring, self absorbed twit... ↗

— Karen Karbo

#humor

My love is expansive. Your love is expensive.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#expansive #expensive #funny #humor #life

It's better to have loved and lost than to be nagged about buying a damn anniversary gift every year. ↗

— Joey Green

#love #paraphrased #humor

Well, come back and have tea with us," saidMoon-Face. "Silky's got some Pop Biscuits -andI've made some Google Buns. I don't often makethem-and I tell you they're a treat! ↗

— Enid Blyton

#fiction #humor #humor

Even more blood welled up and spilled down his arm, splattering onto the ground. “Camille’s carpet,” Magnus protested. “It’s blood,” said Will. “She ought to be thrilled. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#camille-belcourt #humor #magnus-bane #will-herondale #humor

People who entered the Courtyard without an invitation were just plain crazy! Wolves were big and scary and so fluffy, how could anyone resist hugging one just to feel all that fur? “Ignore the fluffy,” she muttered. “Remember the part about big and scary. ↗

— Anne Bishop

#humor #werewolves #wolves #humor

New rules. If you are smart enough to live, you won’t hit Charles’s mate in front of his father. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#anna-cornick #bran-cornick #charles-cornick #cry-wolf #defense

I nod and smile and smile and nod, and when she turns away, I form a gun with my hand, place it to my temple, and pull the trigger. This girl is starved for attention. It's amazing to me when people are totally unaware of how bad they are at socializing. ↗

— Victoria Scott

#lol #humor