#m

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#gracefully #grow #i #meet #old

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#grandmother #husbands #just #napping #she

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#around #day #fake #gave #head

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire? ↗

— Rita Rudner

#better #dresses #fire #hold #looks

I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#conversation #i #like #makes #me

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#i #just #laugh #make #middle

So one of the most unique things on screen in American movies today is everyday behavior. ↗

— Alan Rudolph

#american movies #behavior #everyday #most #movies

I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#around #before #business #country #get

I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#better #companion #dogs #i #just

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#children #enough #i #know #parents