#m

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey. ↗

— Mark Twain

#evolution #humor #mankind #humor

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#sarcasm #humor

If you want to catch beasts you don't see every day, You have to go places quite out of the way, You have to go places no others can get to. You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too. ↗

— Dr. Seuss

#inspirational #humor

I have gone temporarily deaf and haven't any idea what you said, Harry. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tyson pounding the Earthborn into the ground like a game of whack-a-mole. Ella was fluttering above him, dodging missiles and calling out advice: "The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive." SMASH! "Good. Yes. Tyson found its groin. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#groin #humor #son-of-neptune #tyson #humor

Why did he have to be so gorgeous? Why did he have to stand so close, and why did I still love him so much? ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#love #vampire #humor

Tasers are a one-size-fits-all paranormal butt-kicking option. Mine’s pink with rhinestones. ↗

— Kiersten White

#humor #humor

Maybe you'll win when hell freezes over." He raised an eyebrow. "That could be easily arranged. ↗

— Aimee Carter

#humor

Popularity's a weird thing. You can't really define it, and it's not cool to talk about, but you know it when you see it. Like a lazy eye, or porn. ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#humor

Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed. "Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs." "Really?" "Oh, yes." She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?" "They just are." "In what way?" "In a magicky way." She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?" "Not really. ↗

— Derek Landy

#derek-landy #funny #humor #magic #skulduggery-pleasant