#ma

I am aware that my name has been connected with all the bank robberies in the country; but positively I had nothing to do with any one of them. I look upon my life since the war as a blank, and will never say anything to make it appear otherwise. ↗

— Cole Younger

#any #anything #appear #aware #bank

The world may believe as it pleases. ↗

— Cole Younger

#may #pleases #world

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#happy #happy marriage #remains #secret

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#ask #candlelight #dancing #dinner #go

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#chickens #get #get well #got #had

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#human #human being #nice #personality #you

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#been #face #her #many #marks

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#bill #doctor #gave #him #his

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#man #poor #self-taught #student #usually

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#does #get #gift #his #how