#mo

seaweed brain ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments. ↗

— Robert Orben

#humor

It'd be great to be so famous that if I murder someone, I will never, ever, ever serve any jail time, even if it's totally obvious to everyone that I did it. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#fame #humor #kaling #mindy #murder

You lying lunatic bastard. They're going to kill you." "I love you too," he murmured. "Go find Seph. ↗

— Cinda Williams Chima

#humor #jason #madison #humor

I just want you to know,' said the girl, coldly, 'that whoever you are and whatever you intend with me, I shall give you no aid of any kind, nor shall I assist you, and I shall do whatever is in my power to frustrate your plans and devices.' And then she added, with feeling, 'Idiot. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#the-star #humor

I don't know why I go to school unless for kicks, oh well might as well do dissect a frog. ↗

— S.E. Hinton

#humor

Supposedly, guys think about sex every eight seconds. If that's true, how can they talk to their grandmothers? ↗

— Jody Gehrman

#sex #humor

If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#matt #work #humor

The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

Is 'tired old cliché' one? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor