#mo

I have never heard a lady say 'arse,'" the emperor said mildly. "I haven't been a lady for long," I reminded him. A little demon–made of exhaustion and the emperors smile– pushed me into adding,"For five years I've been saying 'arse.' It's hard to stop saying 'arse' after that many years. I suppose I should stop saying 'arse,' since ladies don't say-" "'Arse'," he finished for me. I met his grin. ~Page 104, Eona: the Last Dragoneye, Alison Goodman ↗

— Alison Goodman

#humor #mirror #humor

A true Zen saying: "Nothing is what I want. ↗

— Frank Zappa

#humor

Miss Tarabotti was not one of life's milk-water misses--in fact, quite the opposite. Many a gentleman had likened his first meeting with her to downing a very strong cognac when one was expecting to imbibe fruit juice--that is to say, startling and apt to leave one with a distinct burning sensation. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#humor

Check it out-this is a copy of a painting of a Greek High Priestess named Calliope. it says she was also the Poet Laureate after Sappho. Doesn't she look exactly like Cher?' Wow, that's insane. She does look just like young Cher,' Erin said. Yeah, before she started wearing those white wigs. What the hell's up with that?' Shaunee said. Damien gave the Twins a look. 'There is nothing wrong with Cher. Absolutely. Nothing.' Uh-oh,' Shaunee said. Stepped on a gay nerve,' Erin agreed. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#vampire #humor

A whizzpopper!" cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans? ↗

— Roald Dahl

#children-s #farting #friendly #gas #giant

It was the hat. He looked sweet in the hat. How could a man in a fuzzy blue hat have used human bones to pave his roads? ↗

— Jennifer Egan

#humor #war-crimes #humor

I'm not bossy - I just happen to be more capable than most everyone else. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#capable #humor #humor

There's a meeting in Command. Disregard your current schedule,' he says. 'Done,' I say. 'Did you follow it at all today?' he asks in exasperation. 'Who knows? I'm mentally disoriented.' I hold up my wrist to show my medical bracelet and realize it's gone. 'See? I can't even remember they took my bracelet.' (Katniss and Boggs) ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#humor

If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. ↗

— Gilda Radner

#fashion #i #itch #most #taste